Monday, December 19, 2005
Christmas break
Today, I got to truly enjoy being the owner of my own store. Kai is off for Christmas break. This is the first year in about 7 years that I do not have to make arrangement with his aunts, my parents, or friends to keep him while I go to work. He spent most of the day with me in the store. We played Scrabble in the morning. He won. Then, we started a game of Star Wars Monopoly. I have never completed a game of Monopoly before. We played all afternoon and are scheduled to resume play in the morning. We also filled 15 prescriptions which is busy for us at this point.
I am stressed about Christmas this year. Of course, we are broke. I expected to be broke, but not like this. We have been working on getting a loan for working capital since June. We are working with our third bank now. I haven't drawn a salary since October. JP is not moonlighting this year. We are living on her tiny resident's salary. We would be shutting our doors if JP's family had not given us so much financial support over the past 2 months. I know that Kai is going to have a great Christmas, but very little of it will be coming from me. JP tells me that he has enough stuff and that I am just trying to compete with my parents (and what they buy for Tate). I don't think that I try and compete. In fact, I try to find things he will use and like over time, not just the latest greatest thingy. I loved Christmas so much when I was a kid that I would wake up at 5 am. I just want Kai to have that feeling. When I did find out that my parents (Mom) was Santa, I was amazed at all the work she did to make our Christmas great.
My friend,C, has encouraged me to read Atlas Shrugged. She believes in the philosophies outlined in this book. C is particularly invested portion of the philosophy that deals with selfishness. For example, C and her partner took JP and I to lunch. C later told me that it was actually a selfish act because it gave her pleasure to buy our lunch. She also said that our friendship was worth so much more than a mere lunch. I can identify with this. I buy gifts for people including my son because I want to bring joy to those who bring me joy. I always try to put a great deal of thought into gifts. It is hard to be so limited financially this holiday season. I have to continue to move forward and realize that it will not always be this difficult.
I am stressed about Christmas this year. Of course, we are broke. I expected to be broke, but not like this. We have been working on getting a loan for working capital since June. We are working with our third bank now. I haven't drawn a salary since October. JP is not moonlighting this year. We are living on her tiny resident's salary. We would be shutting our doors if JP's family had not given us so much financial support over the past 2 months. I know that Kai is going to have a great Christmas, but very little of it will be coming from me. JP tells me that he has enough stuff and that I am just trying to compete with my parents (and what they buy for Tate). I don't think that I try and compete. In fact, I try to find things he will use and like over time, not just the latest greatest thingy. I loved Christmas so much when I was a kid that I would wake up at 5 am. I just want Kai to have that feeling. When I did find out that my parents (Mom) was Santa, I was amazed at all the work she did to make our Christmas great.
My friend,C, has encouraged me to read Atlas Shrugged. She believes in the philosophies outlined in this book. C is particularly invested portion of the philosophy that deals with selfishness. For example, C and her partner took JP and I to lunch. C later told me that it was actually a selfish act because it gave her pleasure to buy our lunch. She also said that our friendship was worth so much more than a mere lunch. I can identify with this. I buy gifts for people including my son because I want to bring joy to those who bring me joy. I always try to put a great deal of thought into gifts. It is hard to be so limited financially this holiday season. I have to continue to move forward and realize that it will not always be this difficult.
# posted by Dawn @ 6:29 PM 
